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More than Answers

There’s a quiet beauty in a prayer whispered by a child—a faith untainted by doubt, a belief that even the smallest voice will reach heaven. I was that child once, whispering secrets to the sky, believing God would listen. Yet, for years, it felt like those prayers floated into the vastness, unanswered. But God hears whispers too. I still remember the ache of wondering if I could ever truly belong. Camps in the big city were always bittersweet. While others laughed over shared jokes and lives, I clung to my book—alone in a crowd. My whispered prayer was simple: Lord, don’t forget to give me a tribe of my own. And then, I think of another prayer, spoken through tears: “If I’m not saved now, I don’t know.” Conviction weighed heavy on me, yet assurance felt so far away. I wrestled with whether this God I read about truly wanted me. Love, in those days, felt like a distant story sprinkled through the Bible and strung together by Sunday school lessons. Life moved forward, and with it came d...
Recent posts

God Has No Favourites

 " When we pray, He answers. When we cry, He hears. We are not alone—God is with us, Emmanuel ." I’m not crying out for answers anymore. I’ve learned that wisdom does not reside in demanding explanations from the One who owes us none. More so, the One who works all things together for our good even in the depths we wish to escape - if we love Him. Is praise reserved for the bright moments, when life is 'as it should be' and the warmth of God’s presence is unmistakable? Or does it belong, too, in the darkness, when peace seems far away and we’re left to wrestle with life’s harsher realities? This past week has been one of those stretches that seem to pull life in every direction—hospital walls, responsibilities piling up, love slipping through fingers, and the familiar ache of growing pains. Still, I remind myself—none of us are exempt from this rhythm. We all have our share of valleys. God has no favourites. We aren’t shielded from hurt. We each carry our own set of c...

24.03.24

 The time is 03:32 am. I know you question when ; I know it gets frustrating but one day romantic love will find you too. You will not have to kick and scream for it's attention. You'll not have to settle. You'll not have to question your worth. You'll not worry it will up and leave. Instead it will sit with you and you could tell it all your fears of not meeting it. It will love you for you and you'd not have to whittle yourself or worry you're too much. I know you question when ; I know it gets frustrating but one day romantic love will find you too. It's one of those days, allow it. Until then I will, and I hope you will too, find beauty in love's variety.  With love, Wana(ngwa). Until next time.

365 days

  Yes you will rise from the ashes but the burning comes first. For this part darling you must be brave." - Kalen Dion - " How will I tell my mother and my sister ?" Alot has changed, nothing is the same, 365 days. I have always been quite the cleaner, dust to my broom and under the rug it goes. It takes me back to my early childhood when I just couldn't get around to finishing my supper.  I have been seated at the dinning room table for a couple of hours now.  Heavy eyed, taking in a recurring booming voice in monologue reading out the headlines in another room as I continually will my self to eat but to no avail. Looking left, right, back and forward, no one in sight. Off my plate and under the table rug my food goes. All smiles as I present my "clean" plate to my parents. I finally time to sleep. "Wanangwa!" It's crack of dawn. ........... It had been a whirlwind of anticipation met with excitement. The count down to finally seeing this fam...

Freedom Hymn

I'm constantly moved by words, How intricately they present a push and pull between syllables and emotion. I'm such a lover of literature and stories in their depth, vulnerability and humour. I'm equally in awe of the power they carry in intent and expression. I penned down words, a freedom hymn, telling of a place beyond my fears.  Crossing the peaks and depths in which I fear loss, loving, longing and loneliness. I sit still in the confrontation with these words staring back wondering how freedom could be painted by everything that it's not , even synonymously. I'm reminded of the bliss I felt when I was reassured that I was loved.  And I'm yanked to the pulsing feeling of betrayal almost at the absence of this expression as I wonder if it really was love. I try to tell you of love and I tell of its absence, wallowing in times past and the rising fear of loss with each new hello. Loving can be so scary as you dare to love whole heatedly, putting yourself at an...

Open ended

 "I’ve heard it said that only the perishable can be beautiful, which is why we are unmoved by artificial flowers. " - Allison Trowbridge - Grinning children filled the classroom and encircled a subject who stood directly over his cake inscribed "Happy birthday", when they erupted into singing in unison, "Happy birthday to you!" , with all the energy they could muster. Treats were had and a few days later with this background their teacher asked, "Why do we celebrate birthdays when we are just one year closer to our grave?" When I first heard it I frowned in realization of the vanity but after living for a bit longer it hit me; a great story always has the ending in mind to fix the plot. ........... "The nations were angry, and your wrath has come. The time has come for judging the dead, and for rewarding your servants the prophets and your people who revere your name, both great and small — and for destroying those who destroy the earth....

Life in a year

" Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different. " -C.S Lewis- Here we are at the close of the year. What a year it has been! We've cried, we've laughed, been knocked down and dared to get back up again. Well technically I can only speak for myself and I know I have. So much to reflect on in retrospect, where do I begin? Faith I battled with facts constituting my faith this year. I paused to really think and contemplate on what I as an individual actually believe. It's so convenient to accept other people's beliefs sometimes because of the sort of influence they carry or the way they bring out their argument but at the end of the day, is it true to you? Another thing that became more apparent is that there is no middle ground escaping a choice. " Those who shy away from addressing the elephant in the room are doomed to carry the weight of it ." In the same breath I am grateful for people and conversa...